April 29, 2008

I believe 134 LBS is the correct weight for my 5'7-1/2" body because I looked well and weighed a little less than this during my twenties. According to the BMI calculations, at 134 lbs. my BMI is 21 at that weight, which is healthy for my height.

I am like most other weight watching Americans. I can ignore the upward creep of my weight until I’m no longer able to delude myself into believing that I still look okay. Too many photographs seem to have been taken at an extremely unflattering angle and there are other certain signals…

As a woman, to know if denial has set in, the first litmus test for the “Am I too fat?” query, is to ask:

· When was the last time I was whistled at?

Another is:

· Are men are taking a second glance at me as I pass them to see what my rear view is?

My answers:

· Last whistle was May 2006,

· last “second look” also May 2006.

The truth:

· Men are not interested anymore. I must be fat. This may sound crude and shallow, but it is the truth.

Women like to be noticed, maybe not as potential rape victims, but just noticed, even admired a little. I’m normal and have, as Audrey Hepburn put it, “normal feminine vanity”. At anything over 155 lbs, I become absolutely invisible. The nice hair, lovely bosom, and pleasant face are also invisible. It's amazing but true, and I don't like it. When I am eighty years old, if cosmetic surgery can't make a dent in my looks, I will have to give in to being invisible, but not now, not yet, and not just because I want to eat too much or devour the wrong things! I’m not truly OLD yet, although that may be another subject for discussions on denial at some point.

Anyway, Today I have decided to delude myself no more. A before picture can be great inspiration. I would like to remain somewhat anonymous for a while, because this is extremely embarrassing for me and I am keeping this blog more to keep myself accountable and as a record of my progress.