Be Slender

This is it. Kick-off time. I feel as if it is a now or never sort of situation. I am “of an age” and time is short. Monday is only hours away. I ate too many things I shouldn’t have in preparation for the Monday detox day. Now I’m deciding exactly what tomorrow is going to be.

I could start with the lemonade detox fast: just the lemonade and distilled water for a few days. A week to ten days is supposed to make a huge difference. I bought some Oxylife Detox, MSM Liquid with Oxygen and silica; 1/2 oz. when I awaken and before I go to sleep. I have some Crystal Star Parasite Destroyer and Swiss Kriss tablets. I have a masticating juicer to bring on the vegetable juice after a few days of Lemonade Detox and water. I know that coffee enemas would help my liver to deal with all of this but the idea of it is difficult for me to overcome.

I think some gentle Yoga, the Five Tibetan Rites; each done only as many times as are comfortable for me, some deep breathing exercises with a few resistance moves and perhaps some cycling and walking, will be more than enough to get my body in motion again.

I am losing 51 pounds. I have done this before. Back when I lost the more than eighty pounds I had gained during the fourteen years I had spent having a baby every couple of years I started out with the Zone diet and a tiny exercise program: I knew with certainty that I could touch my toes ten times each day. I didn’t know if I could do much more than that. It was a start, I was moving my body. I walked about a block and became afraid I could not make it back home without a lot of pain. My legs hurt and I was breathing hard on the first tiny hill. It was a start…

I am not there anymore, but I am also not up at 4:00 A.M. each morning, heading for the gym to do a cycling class (spinning) and an hour of weight lifting as I learned to do by the following year. Even just a bit over two years ago I was still in the gym almost everyday or out for a jog plus sprint or fast walk. I've since moved to another state, fallen out of my gym routine, and now I can’t seem to drag myself out of bed to have breakfast with the kids at 6:30 A.M. before school. In fact, the whole getting out of bed or out of the house for even the shortest walk feels too strenuous. I’m really hiding out in my house and it shows. I don’t want the neighbors or anyone else to see the "fat" me. I can't believe I let myself slide this far.

I was recently diagnosed with RA, Rheumatoid Arthritis,and I have noticed that certain foods leave me bed-ridden with pain. I seem intolerant of some of my favorite foods. Cheese, cream, and dairy in general causes a reaction in less than an hour. RA is supposed to be helped by movement, but I find myself not wanting to move at all. The pain is only part of it, I also feel too tired. It is a downward spiral, a cat chasing its tail, and I MUST break out.

My husband tells me I am sexy and beautiful, but I feel like a girl whose mom is the only one who tells her she is gorgeous. I keep thinking that he is fooled into believing I’m beautiful because he loves me, which is wonderful, but I would also like to believe that he is not the only one able to see me this way. I feel as if I’ve stepped into the Shallow Hal movie.

While I believe that Shallow Hal had a beautiful message and ending, I didn’t see Gwyneth Paltrove giving up her trainer or diets to be loved as she might be if the baby weight she had gained during her last pregnancy had not been whisked vigorously away by strenuous effort and the motivation that being followed by Star and People paparazzi provides. I also find it a stretch to believe that the public or any Hollywood producers would be able to see her inner beauty well enough to give her many leading roles if she kept an extra fifty pounds (not to mention the Rosemarie character's extra two hundred pounds) on her frame. “Character” roles certainly; but not leading lady or love interest roles.

Now, back to the plan…

Lemonade fast for at least three days: Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, and supplementation with carrot and other juices made fresh from organic produce. I have loads of spinach and baby greens to juice or eat this week. I’d have to eat twenty cups of spinach to equal the carbohydrate and calorie power of one fourth of a plain bagel. Don't even whisper: cream cheese.

Weigh-in in the morning!